Ten years ago, on my birthday, I buried one of the most important people in my life. To this day, I still think about how irresponsible I, not only lived my life up until that point, but also since that day. I'm not the person I planned on being, I'm not the man I had intended to be. I've seen happiness, found depression, been victorious, and tasted defeat. Through it all, through the dusty, dank days of darkness, I've held on to a small piece of my childhood. A tiny part of you, though no one else can see it, I can feel it. You are and forever shall be, my beacon of light, guiding me past the pitfalls, the minefields and the creatures waiting to devour my soul.
The day my grandmother passed away started out like a normal day, in fact, when we got the call that something was wrong with her, I was playing N64 with a so-called friend of mine. My mom was having issues with her vehicle so I had to go pick her up and take her over, luckily my car was having issues, but was still able to make the trip, I suppose doing 70mph the whole trip helped that.
It was a surreal situation arriving at her house instead of the hospital, never really connecting the dots, and realizing the awful truth. We had been told something happened, but no real details beyond that. So, we rushed over and were met by ambulance and fire trucks. As we walked up, someone (a family member) informed us that, she was gone.
Standing there, stunned, no, it couldn't be. The one person who could be strong for me, even when I couldn't was no longer there to be strong. I HAD to do it on my own. Had to hold my mom together, even though I wanted to fall apart, I couldn't for her. So many regrets, so many missed opportunities. I knew and still know to this day that she loved me, and I loved her. She wanted so desperately to see me succeed... and I never did, not while she was alive and up until this point, I still haven't.
The day she was buried was a day I will never forget. It was the day I turned 19. In the decade that has past by me since then, each year my birthday has been marred by the memory of my worst birthday ever. My birthday has never been the same, and no one is to blame, I get it, I really do. It will never matter whether I'm turning 29 or 129, I will miss her just as much, every passing year.
I wanna close this by saying simply this, Grandma, I love you, I miss you, no matter how much time passes, I still hear your voice guiding me, your light showing me the way. Someday, we shall meet again, and on that day, I hope that I will have made you more proud than words could express.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this window into my soul. Thank you.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
No negativity from you!
It's been a little while, I know. I have to start out by saying one thing and one thing only, Welcome every one, to View from the Sun. Before I get into this, I do want to let you know that yes, I am working on the next part of my story and I hope the people who actually care enough to read it, will enjoy it. The final thing I want to say is about the tragic turn of events in Aurora, Colorado. We live in a world where everyone wants to escape reality and immerse themselves in a land of fantasy and heroes and villains, but we never really expect the villains to walk in and begin their moments of terror. My heart and thoughts go out to all those suffering from the senseless act of violence perpetrated by someone who couldn't distinguish between reality and fiction. I don't know what the motives were, but it was never necessary. May all those affected by this tragedy begin the healing process and find some sort of peace, and may the perpetrator be brought to justice.
Wow! Negativity is all around us. The past, present and future is filled with it. There is no getting away from it. Negativity is what brings about things that should never occur. For some, negativity is a constant. I pride myself on doing the best that I can to be a positive person. I'm still accused though, of being a negative person. I have a mantra before I go to sleep every night that helps me along my path. It's kind of funny, the days I forget to practice it, are the mornings when I wake up in a bad mood.
It's difficult to be positive though, when things aren't going the way you'd like them to. I'm without a job, no car, no love life to speak of, but I'm figuring myself out, I'm forging ahead to make myself better. My diet is getting better by the day, my exercise regimen is coming along, and well, I can be positive about that. People act like I don't exist, whatever, their loss. I have a lot of people acting like I've done something wrong, and I haven't. Oh well, get over it. I'm a great person, I'm loyal and I have a heart as big as they come, but rest assured, I can be a dick.
There are things I take issue with though. For instance, I'm a great guy, a great listener, and I can have intelligent conversations with just about anyone, but here I am alone, because I don't look the part. Fuck that, I'm gonna continue to do what I have to do, and when I'm good enough for you, I'm gonna remember that I wasn't good enough for you.
Positivity breeds positivity. Negativity breeds negativity. In my opinion, I've made the change from negative to positive rather smoothly and though I have days where I feel negativity, I still remain as positive as I can.
Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you right here, next time, because the view is fantastic.
Wow! Negativity is all around us. The past, present and future is filled with it. There is no getting away from it. Negativity is what brings about things that should never occur. For some, negativity is a constant. I pride myself on doing the best that I can to be a positive person. I'm still accused though, of being a negative person. I have a mantra before I go to sleep every night that helps me along my path. It's kind of funny, the days I forget to practice it, are the mornings when I wake up in a bad mood.
It's difficult to be positive though, when things aren't going the way you'd like them to. I'm without a job, no car, no love life to speak of, but I'm figuring myself out, I'm forging ahead to make myself better. My diet is getting better by the day, my exercise regimen is coming along, and well, I can be positive about that. People act like I don't exist, whatever, their loss. I have a lot of people acting like I've done something wrong, and I haven't. Oh well, get over it. I'm a great person, I'm loyal and I have a heart as big as they come, but rest assured, I can be a dick.
There are things I take issue with though. For instance, I'm a great guy, a great listener, and I can have intelligent conversations with just about anyone, but here I am alone, because I don't look the part. Fuck that, I'm gonna continue to do what I have to do, and when I'm good enough for you, I'm gonna remember that I wasn't good enough for you.
Positivity breeds positivity. Negativity breeds negativity. In my opinion, I've made the change from negative to positive rather smoothly and though I have days where I feel negativity, I still remain as positive as I can.
Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you right here, next time, because the view is fantastic.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
The Hallowed
A short while ago, I eluded to the beginning of something new, something different. I hope that you will enjoy this, as we experience it together. The following is a story. Any similarities between the characters within, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Maybe.... If you like this, please feel free to leave your comments below or share me with your friends. Follow me on twitter @eroshelios
Leaves fell softly from the heavens as she ran. The darkness was somehow reassuring, she thought, always choosing to run during the night, rather than deal with the crowded paths during the day. Running gave her a release from the days stresses. Working as an overworked, underpaid, constantly objectified intern placed a lot of stress on her shoulders.
As the song changed on her phones music player, she suddenly became aware of the impending storm. The clouds were thick and black, made even more ominous by the sudden lightening. All of a sudden, a loud CRACK shot through the air, and the hair on the back of her neck suddenly was full of electricity. She knew she needed to find cover, soon. Her apartment was two miles away by this point, and there was no way she'd make it back before the storm hit.
Running this path before, she knew there was a bridge up ahead, the shallow brook that once flowed under had since dried up in the extreme drought that had plagued them this year. Hoping she could make it in time, she sped her pace up. Thirty feet, the wind was picking up. Twenty feet, the rain began pounding against her skin. Ten feet, lightening struck, splitting a limb, just barely missing her as she sped passed, down the hill, under the bridge, she made it, just barely.
Hoping the storm wouldn't last too long, she found a rock that was somewhat comfortable, and pulled out a lighter and began building a fire with the scattered drift wood she found. Soon, she had a roaring fire going, trying to dry herself from the drenching she had received from the storm. She could hear the wind picking up and thought, "Oh lord, I'm going to be here for a while". No sooner had she finished her thought, lightening lit up the sky, longer than normal, almost like a strobe light.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shape emerge. It had been there the entire time, what she thought was a relatively large boulder was becoming human shaped. Removing the headphones from her ear, she whispered, "Hello?", no response. "Hello?" she said, louder this time, and all she heard was a guttural growl, like a dog, but darker, more fierce. Thinking of something, anything to dissuade this potential threat from attacking, she picked up a burning piece of wood, and tossed it at the figure, trying to get a better view.
The figure was extremely agile, and jumped out of the way of the flaming projectile, out of the light that it shed where it had been standing only moments ago. Knowing her life was potentially in danger, she pulled out her phone. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP, it had died. The creature began to advance upon her, it's growling growing louder seemingly with every step, until finally she could see it's face. It wasn't human. It's lips were drawn back, baring it's teeth, dripping with blood. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something that made her heart stop. There, not two feet from where she had thrown the flaming log was a body. She knew she was next. The creature lunged, and she let out a blood curdling scream, that no one would ever hear.
To be continued.
Leaves fell softly from the heavens as she ran. The darkness was somehow reassuring, she thought, always choosing to run during the night, rather than deal with the crowded paths during the day. Running gave her a release from the days stresses. Working as an overworked, underpaid, constantly objectified intern placed a lot of stress on her shoulders.
As the song changed on her phones music player, she suddenly became aware of the impending storm. The clouds were thick and black, made even more ominous by the sudden lightening. All of a sudden, a loud CRACK shot through the air, and the hair on the back of her neck suddenly was full of electricity. She knew she needed to find cover, soon. Her apartment was two miles away by this point, and there was no way she'd make it back before the storm hit.
Running this path before, she knew there was a bridge up ahead, the shallow brook that once flowed under had since dried up in the extreme drought that had plagued them this year. Hoping she could make it in time, she sped her pace up. Thirty feet, the wind was picking up. Twenty feet, the rain began pounding against her skin. Ten feet, lightening struck, splitting a limb, just barely missing her as she sped passed, down the hill, under the bridge, she made it, just barely.
Hoping the storm wouldn't last too long, she found a rock that was somewhat comfortable, and pulled out a lighter and began building a fire with the scattered drift wood she found. Soon, she had a roaring fire going, trying to dry herself from the drenching she had received from the storm. She could hear the wind picking up and thought, "Oh lord, I'm going to be here for a while". No sooner had she finished her thought, lightening lit up the sky, longer than normal, almost like a strobe light.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shape emerge. It had been there the entire time, what she thought was a relatively large boulder was becoming human shaped. Removing the headphones from her ear, she whispered, "Hello?", no response. "Hello?" she said, louder this time, and all she heard was a guttural growl, like a dog, but darker, more fierce. Thinking of something, anything to dissuade this potential threat from attacking, she picked up a burning piece of wood, and tossed it at the figure, trying to get a better view.
The figure was extremely agile, and jumped out of the way of the flaming projectile, out of the light that it shed where it had been standing only moments ago. Knowing her life was potentially in danger, she pulled out her phone. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP, it had died. The creature began to advance upon her, it's growling growing louder seemingly with every step, until finally she could see it's face. It wasn't human. It's lips were drawn back, baring it's teeth, dripping with blood. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something that made her heart stop. There, not two feet from where she had thrown the flaming log was a body. She knew she was next. The creature lunged, and she let out a blood curdling scream, that no one would ever hear.
To be continued.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Away
Welcome one and all to this, View from the Sun. I am as always your host with the most, Eros.
I don't know what it is, but as soon as I'm in a vehicle, I feel better. Most of the time. I usually have a destination in mind, but even when I get there, I am so content to be away from home that I can just chill in the parking lot for untold amounts of time, and I'm cool with that.
Now, some of that might have to do with my smartphone and having the ability to blog, Google+, Facebook, check my email and just search the web on the go. It's a freedom that is so nice because, who wouldn't love to blog on the beach, write a restaurant review as you are getting served, post the play by play of a baseball game, football game, wrestling event, or even pictures and videos of a kick ass concert.
Being away doesn't mean the same thing as it used to. Google+ has a hangout feature I can use right on my phone and chat with 3,4 friends, who I normally wouldn't be able to "hang out" with.
Though the mobility is nice, the sheer freedom to be able to do all this and more, in the future I'm sure, is what makes a smart phone, for some, a near necessity.
Some features are just not really necessary, like the check in feature that various sites employ. My location isn't needed for public knowledge, but I use it because I can. I'm not afraid of someone knowing where I am, but it's not a necessity.
The freedom to be away from home, yet still do so much, is a fantastic freedom. Of course there will be those who abuse it, but people abuse everything that is invented, look it up, Google or YouTube or Wikipedia will tell you. Right Casper?
Well, that's about it for tonight, or right now anyway, hopefully, my writers block will be fully unblocked and I will be able to pump out more bloggy goodness on a more consistent basis.
One last thing, tomorrow is the 4th of July, our independence day, remember why we celebrate it. Not for corrupt governments, or big business, but our independence from the same sort of tyranny that we are headed for if we refuse to stand up for our rights as dictated by God and our forefathers. Happy Independence day, and thank you you the American soldiers who protect our way of life, the non corrupt members of the police departments who protect us domestically and the EMT's, Firefighters and first responders who save us from various tragedies. God bless you all and THANK YOU
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