Where Do I Go From Here

Hey all, Erik here. Thanks for coming to see the view, and I hope you enjoy just a little bit of my thought process in life. 

 Living life in this strange time, is well, strange in and of itself. Many of us are cautious about spending too much time outside of our immediate bubble, and then there are others who are comfortable living in whatever fantasy world that they have created for themselves to cope with the fact that we are a civilization in peril. In this time, I'd rather create something new than to just return to the old. I know that the restrictions are loosening and things are opening up again, but there's still trepidation to returning to our old ways. In this time, things are questionable on what's necessary, and indeed who is necessary. Technology obviously is crucial at this juncture because we need personal interactions for school, and business. Where I go from here is not back to the status quo. Things that have plagued me are no longer ignorable. So many times I wish they were, and I've wasted so much time pretending that everything is okay and that I am in control, yet I'm not. Not really. But, I've found new resolve in myself and those that are willing to support me and cheer me on. I know that there are many people that may, and I appreciate you all. 

I've always felt like I've had potential, I mean at some point in all our lives don't we all? At this point in my life, I don't believe that I'm "too old" to learn new things or to have new experiences, I believe that I've been too afraid of failing, or just thought that I wasn't worth putting in the effort. I know for a fact that I've wasted much of my life living a half-life so to speak, but I know that my story shouldn't be defined by one part of my life. My life, like many others. is defined not only by the story's beginning but also, how it ends. For much of my life, I was bitter and cynical and at one point, I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore, but I also didn't know what I wanted to be, or how to achieve it so I became apathetic. I developed a distinct attitude about the world and those around me, and it took a while to even begin to change. Most of my attitude stemmed from my insecurities about many things, but then I realized that everyone has insecurities about something, even those that many of us look up to, like celebrities or heroes of ours. Hell, even imagined characters have insecurities because the creators knew that they should resemble the rest of the human emotional spectrum. 

I'm tired of letting my insecurities get the better of me, and I know that like weight loss, fully changing my thought process will take time and that's okay. I've had a long history of thinking that if I didn't understand something right away, or have some sort of success shortly after starting that I was already a failure. For too long I've been hyper-critical of myself, my choices, my mistakes, and not joyous enough when considering my successes, and blessings in life. 

This is something that we all could stand to think about. Where am I working on going, and not that I'm not thankful for what I have, but I know that I could be so much more, and that's what I'm working on. I'm working on acquiring my certifications for A+, Network +, ITF, and some other tech-related career paths. I also want to learn to be more creative through music, and content creation, and obviously I do the streaming thing over on Twitch.tv/FilthycasualXL, and though I'm not on a set schedule right now, I really do enjoy it. 

I know that I'm working on changing my thought process to be a better person every day, and it's always going to be a struggle because, without struggle, there can be no evolution. I don't want to just reach my goals and expectations, I want to HULK SMASH those mofos! Thanks for reading and as always, I'll see you next time.