Failure to Connect

Man, I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I'm working on this Google course, which is cool, but it keeps feeling like I'm having a bit of a problem getting my brain to connect. Sometimes I wish I could just do a little percussive maintenance on my brain and get it to reboot. I'm listening to the videos, reading the material, and it's like there's a sheet of "duhhhhhhh" over my brain. Stopping everything from soaking in. Is it because I'm a bit of a procrastinator, I don't know, maybe. Is it because my learning habits haven't changed since I was in high school? I mean, probably. I'm thinking that you can't cram all the learning you want to do into a blinking weekend. Every single week I tell myself that "This is gonna be the week I get myself on a schedule, this is gonna be the week I start to take everything somewhat seriously." And by Monday, I'm already looking at myself in the mirror going, "you dumb bitch". I lack uh, what's it called? Um...Focus? No..wait, maybe? I know that I can do better. I know I should do better. Not because I want to impress anyone else, but because I want to make my life better. I want to improve myself for me. I hope some form of work ethic can be learned, because if not, if there's no hope for determination to seep its way into my heart and mind, then the universe may as well take me now. Here's hoping that this Monday is different. That this Monday, I actually stick with my plans and get through not only my Google courses but also other things that I'm trying to learn. 

Thanks for reading this mini-rant, and stay sunny. Big E