Failure to Connect

Man, I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I'm working on this Google course, which is cool, but it keeps feeling like I'm having a bit of a problem getting my brain to connect. Sometimes I wish I could just do a little percussive maintenance on my brain and get it to reboot. I'm listening to the videos, reading the material, and it's like there's a sheet of "duhhhhhhh" over my brain. Stopping everything from soaking in. Is it because I'm a bit of a procrastinator, I don't know, maybe. Is it because my learning habits haven't changed since I was in high school? I mean, probably. I'm thinking that you can't cram all the learning you want to do into a blinking weekend. Every single week I tell myself that "This is gonna be the week I get myself on a schedule, this is gonna be the week I start to take everything somewhat seriously." And by Monday, I'm already looking at myself in the mirror going, "you dumb bitch". I lack uh, what's it called? Um...Focus? No..wait, maybe? I know that I can do better. I know I should do better. Not because I want to impress anyone else, but because I want to make my life better. I want to improve myself for me. I hope some form of work ethic can be learned, because if not, if there's no hope for determination to seep its way into my heart and mind, then the universe may as well take me now. Here's hoping that this Monday is different. That this Monday, I actually stick with my plans and get through not only my Google courses but also other things that I'm trying to learn. 

Thanks for reading this mini-rant, and stay sunny. Big E

First thing

     Good morning ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the view...from the sun. I am, as always, your host for this journey into my brain, Helios.

     This time, I'd like to know, what's the first thing you think of when you wake up? I'm certain that the majority will say the usual, my kids, my love, my family, my friends etc. I wish I could say that. The first thing I always think about when I wake up is, my mortality.

     Now, let me clarify, I don't think about death and my dying as in its going to happen soon, it's not in a suicidal kind of manner, it's merely the realization that one day, the person I am, will cease to exist and the energy of the universe that resides within me will be set free.

     My god, and I literally just thought about this, as a free, incorporeal energy ball, what if we still have a consciousness. Able to go anywhere in the known and unknown universe.

     It's not something I fear, it's just something I wish that none of us would have to experience. We work so hard to make progress, learn, make a family, make a life and by the time we get to enjoy it, it's almost coming to an end. It is not fair. I know they say life isn't fair, but it should be.

     Life is short, and if we don't live it, we become bitter in the end. We think about missed opportunities, mistakes, and all the times we didn't even try. I don't want to be bitter. I hope that the human form isn't my last, but if it is, I want to make the ride worth while. And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for ya!!!