Failure to Connect

Man, I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I'm working on this Google course, which is cool, but it keeps feeling like I'm having a bit of a problem getting my brain to connect. Sometimes I wish I could just do a little percussive maintenance on my brain and get it to reboot. I'm listening to the videos, reading the material, and it's like there's a sheet of "duhhhhhhh" over my brain. Stopping everything from soaking in. Is it because I'm a bit of a procrastinator, I don't know, maybe. Is it because my learning habits haven't changed since I was in high school? I mean, probably. I'm thinking that you can't cram all the learning you want to do into a blinking weekend. Every single week I tell myself that "This is gonna be the week I get myself on a schedule, this is gonna be the week I start to take everything somewhat seriously." And by Monday, I'm already looking at myself in the mirror going, "you dumb bitch". I lack uh, what's it called? Um...Focus? No..wait, maybe? I know that I can do better. I know I should do better. Not because I want to impress anyone else, but because I want to make my life better. I want to improve myself for me. I hope some form of work ethic can be learned, because if not, if there's no hope for determination to seep its way into my heart and mind, then the universe may as well take me now. Here's hoping that this Monday is different. That this Monday, I actually stick with my plans and get through not only my Google courses but also other things that I'm trying to learn. 

Thanks for reading this mini-rant, and stay sunny. Big E

Riding Shotgun

I stare out the window as the breeze flows through, hitting my face. The air is cool and refreshing. I feel calm. At peace. I don't know how, but I am happy. I look to my left, and see the driver of this vehicle and flinch in shock, as a hooded creature, familiar and foreign all at once. He peers over in my direction, two icy blue orbs stare unblinking at me, and with a low, soothing voice I hear him say "Do you fear me?" "No" I reply, "But I didn't think I was ready" I continued. A low chuckle was his only retort. We drive for what seems like hours until I realize we aren't really going anywhere, so I ask "What's the deal here?" He waits a moment until he finally replies "I'm glad that you are not fearful of me, but you're right, it's not yet your time". He slows the vehicle and continues "throughout life, I am taken for granted. The people that I take never realize that they have so much living to do. I have taken you, on this night, to remind you of that. Live while you can, because eventually, we all will be riding shotgun with the reaper."