Time and tide waiteth for no man

     Ten years ago, on my birthday, I buried one of the most important people in my life. To this day, I still think about how irresponsible I, not only lived my life up until that point, but also since that day. I'm not the person I planned on being, I'm not the man I had intended to be. I've seen happiness, found depression, been victorious, and tasted defeat. Through it all, through the dusty, dank days of darkness, I've held on to a small piece of my childhood. A tiny part of you, though no one else can see it, I can feel it. You are and forever shall be, my beacon of light, guiding me past the pitfalls, the minefields and the creatures waiting to devour my soul.

     The day my grandmother passed away started out like a normal day, in fact, when we got the call that something was wrong with her, I was playing N64 with a so-called friend of mine. My mom was having issues with her vehicle so I had to go pick her up and take her over, luckily my car was having issues, but was still able to make the trip, I suppose doing 70mph the whole trip helped that.

     It was a surreal situation arriving at her house instead of the hospital, never really connecting the dots, and realizing the awful truth. We had been told something happened, but no real details beyond that. So, we rushed over and were met by ambulance and fire trucks. As we walked up, someone (a family member) informed us that, she was gone.

     Standing there, stunned, no, it couldn't be. The one person who could be strong for me, even when I couldn't was no longer there to be strong. I HAD to do it on my own. Had to hold my mom together, even though I wanted to fall apart, I couldn't for her. So many regrets, so many missed opportunities. I knew and still know to this day that she loved me, and I loved her. She wanted so desperately to see me succeed... and I never did, not while she was alive and up until this point, I still haven't.

     The day she was buried was a day I will never forget. It was the day I turned 19. In the decade that has past by me since then, each year my birthday has been marred by the memory of my worst birthday ever. My birthday has never been the same, and no one is to blame, I get it, I really do. It will never matter whether I'm turning 29 or 129, I will miss her just as much, every passing year.

     I wanna close this by saying simply this, Grandma, I love you, I miss you, no matter how much time passes, I still hear your voice guiding me, your light showing me the way. Someday, we shall meet again, and on that day, I hope that I will have made you more proud than words could express.

     I appreciate you taking the time to read this window into my soul. Thank you.